Guts Over Fear

We cannot start over, but we can begin now, and make a new ending…

– Zig Ziglar

For some people, starting over can be scary. But I think that it can only be scary because it tends to take you out of your comfort zone and requires you to actually make a change. Lucky for me, I love change and reinventing myself, so I welcomed this much needed transformation into my life with open arms. But it wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be…

During this time, I had to come to terms with my weaknesses and THAT was the hard part. I had to realize that while I have a heart with nothing but the purest of intentions, I really wasn’t sh!@ like I thought I was. I had all these dreams and goals I wanted to bring to life, but a majority of the time, I was too lazy to get up and work on them. Other times, I was too concerned with my personal issues that I would forget about the plans I made until it was too late. I also had times where I was supposed to work with someone on a project, but then when it came down to it, I flaked (but NEVER on purpose).

All of those things made me feel inadequate and like I was a fake. I mean, it was understandable if I couldn’t make it to a certain event because I couldn’t afford the tickets, but for the FREE events — there was no excuse. I thought to myself, “How can you be so pathetic and not go after your dreams? Why are you so lazy? Why aren’t you putting all your time and energy into actually making something happen versus thinking about it? Do you really want the things that you say you do?”

There were many times that I wanted to get back into blogging and working on my channel, but there were so many things going on around me that I couldn’t function properly. And on top of that, I couldn’t think clearly with all the clutter that physically (and mentally) surrounded me. I felt that my creativity wouldn’t flow properly as long as it was there and I was right. As soon as I started to clear things out, ideas popped into my head.

After I started to get myself together, I looked to inspiration from Keke Cameron and Ambrosia. They both were strong, beautiful women that were also entrepreneurs and mothers! So I thought that if they can do it, then I can, too! But after a while, I started to doubt myself again. I was too busy looking at my situation (2 kids, no job, etc.) that I didn’t realize that these beautiful women had to start somewhere — and quite possibly start over after a life changing situation. Therefore, I began to actually execute my ideas into action so that they no longer remained in my mind.

Photo Credit: @kekecameron

Photo Credit: @brosiaaa

A few months ago, I dyed my hair hot pink. At the time, I had a retail job and the color of my hair didn’t really matter, so I went for it. Yet to due the lack of maintenance I gave it, I started to get scabs on my scalp & decided to cut it out, but there were still some pink strands left. On top of that, I accidentally cut too low in certain spots, so it was extremely uneven. So I figured since I was doing an internal transformation, why not do it externally, as well? I cut off the remainder of my hair and I felt this  immediate weight lift from not only my shoulders, but also my spirit.

December 2016

March 2017

April 2017

So if you can, do what I did and take the time out to pull yourself together. There are some people who will argue that it’s better to just start and get a momentum going, and to a certain extent, I completely agree. However, I feel it’s better after you at least prepare so that you don’t get behind and lose the momentum you create. But whatever you choose, always remember this… 

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